Final review of '8 Keys to Forgiveness' by Robert Enright

As I mentioned in a previous post, I think that the topic of forgiveness is so very important both in mental health, but also for a grander version of world peace.  Imagine if the Israelis and Palestinians could forgive each other (in fact, there are people working on that.  Click here for more information)! 

In general, I will say that I liked, but did not love this book.  I had to work at reading it, more than I usually do.  When I read self-help books, I try and apply them to my own life, and perhaps it is because there isn’t really anyone in my life right now that I need to forgive, that I found the book did not sustain my attention very well.  If you would like to check out a copy for yourself, click here.

Pros to this book:

11)  The writing is simple and easy to understand.

22)  The author writes in a way that lets you know he has a lot of clinical experience working with  forgiveness in his clients.  If I was focusing on forgiveness now, in my life, I think I would want him  as my therapist.

33)  His case studies and examples are very compelling  and mostly relatable.  I think it would be hard for  someone to read this book and not relate to some of  the people in it.

44)  I like that he has a chapter devoted to self-  forgiveness since the ability to see oneself as  imperfect, yet whole, is entirely related to ones’  ability to forgive the same imperfection in others.

Cons to this book:

11)   I know there is a good amount of research about       the benefits of forgiveness.  The author really does     not present much of it, which left me wanting.

22)   I did not find this book to be very helpful, from the   standpoint of a therapist looking to learn something   about implementing forgiveness work into their         own practice

33)  While I know that it is ‘gimmicky’ to have a set up steps, I found myself wishing that the author had   actual exercises/worksheets.  Most of his tools are really just ‘things to think about’ or journal about   which I found harder to translate into action than, for example, some of the things in the recent           Seligman book I read.  I found myself wanting something more concrete.

I have on my list now, to read something by Everett Worthington, another psychologist and author who writes about forgiveness, whom I think I might enjoy more.

RIP Rebel Princess for reducing mental health stigma

Carrie Fisher in her iconic role as Princess Leia

RIP Carrie Fisher, the openly Bipolar, addicted actress who brought us one of Hollywood’s first, strong female role models in her portrayal of Princess Leia in the Star Wars series.  She was only 60, when she died.  In her books, she chronicles her struggles with mental illness and addiction.  I write about her, because the Star Wars series has figured prominently into my life (I was 11 years old when the first one came out, and I still can remember standing in the long line, waiting to get tickets for it with my family), and because she was one of the first famous people who talked openly about her struggles with mental health issues.    

Mental health stigma is still a problem in today’s society.  Though the same judgement is usually not prevalent with physical health problems (imagine if someone was ashamed to get treatment for a broken leg), people who seek the help of a therapist are sometimes seen as weak and in part, to blame for their troubles.  This prevents some individuals from seeking help and even can lead to poorer treatment outcomes.  See more about this through Psychology Today, here.

Carrie Fisher was brave in her open discussion of her mental health troubles.  She was a rebel leader in film, as in her life.  Rest in peace.

Final Review of 'Authentic Happiness' by Martin Seligman

I finished reading Seligman’s ‘Authentic Happiness’.  Overall, I quite enjoyed it and it was a good reminder for the coming New Year, to take stock of one's strengths, and to design a good life for oneself.  I think that many of us in the Western World are lucky in that we no longer have to expend energy on basic survival; instead, this book reminds us that we can construct a pleasant, meaningful and related existence.

Here are some pros and cons of the book, as I see them:

Pros:

1)  A good deal of data is presented. For those of us who are science minded, Seligman does not as us just to ‘trust him’ but ge also presents us with a mountain of empirical evidence to support his claims. There are a few places in the book where he is clear that his recommendations are based on speculation and NOT data, and I think that’s smart.  As a scholar, I still am interested in his informed opinion, even if there is no research, to-date, backing a specific claim.

2) The book is very practical.  There are times when he directs you to a website where you can take free questionnaires to determined your strengths and attachment style, for example.  You can generate your own unique happiness formula and come away from this book with some concrete ideas about how to live your life differently.

3) The book assumes the reader is relatively bright;  Seligman’s style of writing is not overly simple or overly complex. I think that a clinician or researcher could get something out of this book (I did) but so could a lay-person.

4) The book has broad application; Seligman he addresses happiness in many facets of life, including marriage and parenting.

Cons: 

1) The book unnecessarily demeans and oversimplifies psychodynamic theory;  There are a number of times where Seligman denigrates dynamic (Freudian) theory, in his book.  I understand why he does this:  psychology has evolved over the years and there may be some benefits to the reader in contrasting old ways of thinking about happiness and positivity to new ways of thinking.  However, there are contemporary versions of dynamic therapy that have empirical backing and I worry about the reader who has a dynamic therapist and becomes convinced that their therapist’s orientation is faulty.

2) The book fails to address diversity (i.e., is the research applicable to everyone regardless the gender, race, and sexual orientation?).  I teach sexuality classes to undergraduates and also, in my practice, see quite a few LGBT clients.  If I try to read the book with their eyes, it seems as if it excludes a lot of ways of being, in the world.  On one hand, Seligman gives a good many personal anecdotes about his marriage and raising his children that make him seem human, However, these personal anecdotes end up sounding overly male and Caucasian, in my opinion.  I respect that Seligman IS a white male, but I think he could do more to both talk about the data’s shortcomings with other populations and also to try and include other populations in his book.

Overall, I will be recommending this book to some of my clients.  I particularly think it’s a great book for the New Year.  It can be ordered here through Amazon UK's website.

Second book of the month-- 'Authentic Happiness' by Martin Seligman

When I went to graduate school in 1988, we were educated in psychological testing, statistics and research design, and psychopathology.  At the heart of psychology was the treatment of psychological ills and the removal of suffering.  Since that time, there has been an emergence in the field of ‘Positive Psychology’—psychology that is strength based and focuses on promoting happiness, as opposed to relieving suffering.  My other book that I will be reviewing at the end of the break is Martin Seligman’s ‘Authentic Happiness’.   You can buy it from Amazon UK, here.

So far, what I like about this book is that it is 100 percent based in scientific evidence. Seligman doesn’t just tell you what to do, to have a happier life and expect you to simply trust him.  He walks you through the research that exists on each of the components of happiness and convinces you with DATA.  He also has a website that goes with the book so you can take some of the questionnaires he refers to, within the book.

Once I am finished, I will give you the full scoop.

Some light reading for the holidays

So occasionally I read and review a self-help book to use in my practice.  Feel free to read along with me if you would like. 

The one I have been recently reading is about forgiveness.  It’s called “8 Keys to Forgiveness” by Robert Enright, and can be found here on Amazon.  It’s available as a kindle book, as well.  Before I bought it, I specifically looked for something that was not spiritual in nature.  In my initial search, I found that many books written about forgiveness have a spiritual or religious focus. While I think that spirituality can be an important component in many peoples’ wellness, I am biased toward Western Medicine.  I knew that there was a good deal of research available about the health benefits of forgiveness, so I looked for that. 

Many of my clients have past abuses or hurts that they are working to understand and heal.  Sometimes those hurts were perpetrated by a parent. I am of the firm belief that typically, ‘parentectomies’ aren’t very helpful for people.  While some might need interpersonal distance from close family members to heal from a past hurt, or to protect themselves from current ones, portraying the perpetrator (especially if it is a family member or loved one) as ‘all bad’ promotes black and white thinking that is not helpful to people in the long run.

On the other hand, asking someone who has been seriously injured by another to ‘forgive’ is no small matter.  It takes time, and work, and patience.   At times, it even seems disastrous to tell someone who has recently experienced a severe injury to start a process toward forgiveness.

Let’s see what’s inside the book…